Ah, this alone phase again… As the rainy season begins, that familiar sense of emptiness and loneliness returns. In my younger years, I found solace in the rain, unleashing my creativity through sketching people and places, followed by painting or inking my drawings. But now, it feels different—rather melancholic. I can’t help but acknowledge the clichéd nature of it all, but it somehow aligns with my current mood.
The impending return to the office feels like a burden, and I find myself dreading the days ahead. The self-loathing intensifies during my shifts and lingers as I return home to an empty house. Although I’ve grown accustomed to this solitude, feeling alone still manages to sting occasionally.
To combat the loneliness, I’ve been contemplating getting a pet. My options are either adopting a cat or waiting for my brother to potentially give me a puppy from their planned breeding. I’ve volunteered to provide a loving home for any unwanted puppies that may arise.
I attempted to embrace extroversion and be more outgoing, but it didn’t pan out as I had hoped. While being in the company of others brings me joy, whether or not I’m talkative, it’s the mere presence of a group that alleviates my loneliness. It serves as a distraction from the thoughts that often lead to tears or inexplicable crying spells, which unfortunately occurred a few days ago, resulting in debilitating migraines.
Expressing my concerns to my friends often leaves me with a sense of guilt, as it feels like I’m constantly venting. However, I find solace in knowing that I’m also available to support them with their own issues. In this way, our circle of friends is able to provide mutual assistance, fostering a positive and healthy dynamic.
Anyway, I should conclude this blog post as I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and it might hinder my ability to finish it. Additionally, I can’t help but notice the lack of communication with someone important to me, which might be contributing to feelings of emotional neglect. Although it’s uncertain whether I’ll receive a response, I shouldn’t dwell on it too much. If these emotions of being alone persist, seeking professional help might be beneficial.
Am I losing hope? Perhaps. It feels like I’m holding on by a thread, but I’m determined to make it through this year.